Waiting for Jude

Outside the Parkwest waiting room window there lies an overcast Knoxville sky. Puddles from last night's rain lie atop the roof surrounding the exposed air ducts. I'm listening to Whiskey Town while watching a little girl play with her stroller as her family waits the outcome of their brother-in-law's heart surgery. I wait for Jude.

I went in to see Bill and Bets, and things were starting to happen. Now only family is allowed beyond the locked doors.

Betsy was one of the first people I ever met at Johnson Bible College when I attended there. She was so funny and made me feel welcomed. Two nights ago Bill and I were playing home run derby with wiffle balls and a bat. That night I slept on their couch for the second time in a week. This was one of many times they have taken me in and given me food, a bed, and access to a warm shower. My favorite times with them are when I have my head down on the table laughing so hard that I start to panic from lack of breath, and Bill has to wipe tears away.

I've sat snug in restaurant booths talking with Bill about theology or books. I've worked in an office with Betsy where we would hoard slushies from the office slushie maker. I've sat with them watching TV, and they make me look at Harley (their pug) every ten minutes, because they love her more than life itself. On numerous occasions Bill has said that he wants to die before Harley, because he wouldn't be able to stand the loss.

I've played shows with Bill, eaten chinese with Betsy, had sushi for the first time with both of them, gone to the movies, to coffeeshops, bookstores, or simply picked up dinner at Wal-mart. They are two of my dearest friends in all the world. They are for me and my dreams, and I feel the same for them.

Everything we have known thus far changes today. I have watched many of my friends making their families this past year. I wrote a song for my brother's wedding, sang in some of my friends' ceremonies, rented more tuxes than I can count, and felt lumps in my throat as my boys' brides walked down the aisle towards them. I've played with old roommates toddlers, and now I am waiting for Jude.

It's all changing, and we enter into the new phase. I'm in the waiting room. I'm waiting for updates and the final outcome. I'm waiting to be an honorary uncle. I'm waiting for my friendships to deepen as their own lives deepen. Bill is going to hold in his arms his new baby boy, and he is going to realize that his whole life has a new meaning. Betsy is going to give birth to a new soul, and hold in her a new kind of love that she has never felt before. And I will be here for them in whatever way I can with my stumbling, awkward words and whatever else I can offer.

We've all come a long way from video games, late night runs to taco bell, procrastinating on papers, laughing in class, and playing homerun derby.

Now I don't just play with my friends. I get to play with Jude.

We are all changing, and its beautiful. My friends, here's to your families. Have fun, and I'm here for you. It hurts to say goodbye to the careless days. Its a joy to say hello to your new lives as spouses and parents.

Hey Jude. Here's to you.